In a BBC article revealing the disturbing details of what Dominique Pelicot did to his wife of 38 years author Laura Gozzi notes that the phase he spent on the internet talking to people in open forums and chatrooms was a trigger for what would later come.
His now ex-wife noticed that her husband started to spend more time online in his late 50’s but she had no idea what he was doing there.
We might wonder if his access to certain materials online gave birth to an idea or was it hidden in his subconscious the entire time?
As a true crime enthusiast, it is fascinating to dig into why people do what they do. What was the thing that took them from being a lot like the rest of us, to being on national news for a horrendous crime?
The why people do what they do, or core motivator, might be best left to psychiatrists and researchers to figure out, but how things start is something that relates to us all.
“A little hole in the ship sinks it
A little stab at the heart kills a man
A small thought
A little look”
— Charles L Allen
What’s The Problem
A little thing that is allowed to grow can prove disastrous or extremely beneficial. We don’t have to look far to see that in other people’s lives, but to see it in our own can be difficult.
My husband leaves for work and doesn’t say bye. At first it isn’t a big deal but add hours of overthinking to an anxious mind and a seed is firmly planted that can grow to become a problem if it isn’t addressed.
I wonder how many relationship disasters started with a small thought or a little look. How many great successes started with a small habit, that grew to a solid routine and developed into a purpose for someone’s life.
The power lies in giving way to something lesser to make way for something greater. The problem becomes when we find ourselves living in the something greater part and it isn’t the last place we want or should be.
What To Do About It
Guard your time. Authors like Greg McKeown, Essentialism, have been telling us that we need to say no to things that aren’t important to us and say yes to what is. The key is to gain control of our time so we can use it purposefully.
Reflect. One thing we can do with our time after we free it up. To catch the small things from the day we don’t need a lot of time, but we need enough to identify things that need dealt with or reinforced.
Act. Seeing small things that could turn into disastrous greater things is a great start, but they won’t go away on their own and vice versa. If I did something today that could lead to a great outcome I might need to consider how I can keep doing it.
Most of us understand that if we don’t deal with the piles of laundry, it will only get worse.
If we don’t deal with a fight, it will fester, until the relationship is no longer repairable.
Perhaps what we need in the coming year is to deal with the most dangerous things in our lives. A good planner and a solid list of detailed goals can’t help us achieve great things if we ignore what threatens us or neglect to reinforce what can help us.
Marcy Pedersen
